One F!##*&%g sausage, Wolfgang!!


After a long wait, we eventually got to the front of the queue.

‘This better be worth the wait,’ I said.
‘Watch out! Here comes portion control,’ Doubles joked.
‘One f**king sausage,’ said the fat slop jockey sergeant brandishing his ladle.
Never understood why they rationed us to one of this and one of that. If there wasn’t enough for seconds, how come the slop bins were nearly always full?
We got served and sat down to eat our grub. It turned out it wasn’t worth the wait.
‘This grub is disgusting, have we really got to live on this shite for the next six weeks? I’m going to starve,’ Doubles complained
You never know if we’re lucky, we might bump into Wolfgang and his Schnellie wagon,’ Eddie added.
‘Don’t you mean he’ll bump into us,’ Wocko laughed.
‘What’s the betting he’s sitting out there right now, ready to go, bratty’s sizzling away, while he studies his fabloned map of the training area, with all our units, movements and red areas china-graphed on it,’ Clarkey said.
‘Who is Wolfgang?’ I asked.
‘Who’s Wolfgang? Wolfgang is a f**king legend.’ Eddie sniffs the air. ‘I can smell them now,curried brat wurst mit pommes bitter.’
‘What’s Eddie on about?’ I asked, looking puzzled.
‘God knows. I think he’s trying to speak German,’ Doubles replied.
‘Wolfgang drives the local snack wagon around the training area. The man’s, got godlike powers. It’s amazing what that man can do with a dead horse and a few bags of old potatoes,’ Eddie said.
‘There is also a rumour, I don’t know if this is true, that Neil Armstrong’s famous one small step speech was interrupted by the sound of Wolfgang’s vehicle horn sounding,’ Clarkey added
‘I heard that too Clarkey. I reckon he would open a snack wagon at the Everest base camp, and make runs to the summit, if there were enough climbers up there!

Soltau Germany 1976
Bumpers & Bed blocks by Clive Ward


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